In 2006, the IAU defined a planet to be a celestial body that is:

1. In orbit around the Sun.
2. Has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape.
3. Has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.

All three of these rules are contentious to some degree or other. Not the least of which Rule Number 1 implies that this definition only applies to our Solar System. Are the increasing number of exosolar “planets” being found not really planets after all?

Rule Number 3, however, has drawn the most ire, as it is that rule which has seen Pluto demoted from planet status to the newly defined (in 2006) dwarf planet status. In fact, it has been asserted that Rule Number 3 was brought in to do exactly that: dump Pluto. Some people weren’t happy about it, but then some people don’t like change. But then again, there would still have had to be change were Pluto kept as a planet.

If Rule Number 3 was to be retracted, and Pluto was to be re-reclassified in the big league, then there are at least another four bodies in the same boat. Taking the planetary total up to 13 (and requiring another reprint of astronomy books). The planets would then be Mercury, Venus, Earth, Ceres, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, Haumea, Makemake and Eris. Ceres? Haumea? Makemake? Eris? Who? What? Where? When?

It turns out that these bodies also comply with Rule Number 1 and Rule Number 2. In fact, Eris is even bigger than Pluto. And it’s suspected that there could be another 200 bodies in the Solar System of similar ilk. Our Solar System could therefore hold well in excess of 200 “planets”. I’d like to see the mnemonic students would need to remember all of their names.

And that is only counting the bodies directly in orbit around the Sun. There are a number of other bodies in the Solar System that could lay claim to being of planetary status, but they are being ignored as they happen to orbit a body that is orbiting the Sun. These, of course, are the satellites of the major planets. Many of these satellites satisfy Rule Number 2, our own Moon amongst them. But because of the prejudice of Rule Number 1, they cannot be classed as planets. Which must be galling for a large number of these so-called satellites, because, as we shall see below, if they orbited the Sun in their own right, there would be no doubt whatsoever to their status.

I give to you now the seventeen largest bodies orbiting the Sun, in order of decreasing size (and all shown to scale here). Why seventeen? It may make more sense when you get to number seventeen.

1. Jupiter Planet, Diameter: 139,822 km

Named for the Roman god Jupiter, the king of the gods.

Eleven planet Earths could fit across its equator. Recently Jupiter was impacted by a comet or asteroid, leaving a black scar. In 1994, Jupiter was again scarred by Comet Shoemaker-Levy 9.

2. Saturn Planet, Diameter: 116,464 km

Named for the Roman god Saturn, who was the father of Zeus.

If there were a sea big enough, Saturn would float. For all of its size, Saturn is less dense on average than water. And if you think F5 tornados are scary, just be thankful wind speeds here don’t reach Saturnian levels: winds have been recorded up to 1,800km/hr.

3. Uranus Planet, Diameter: 50,724 km

Named for Uranus, the Greek sky god. It is unusual in that all planets up until Uranus’ discovery in 1781 by William Herschel are named for the Roman god equivalents. If that had been the case here, Uranus would have been named Caelus.

Although it is a gas giant, and fifteen times more massive than the Earth, if you were able to stand on the “surface” of Uranus (essentially on top of the topmost of clouds) you would weigh less than what you weigh on the Earth[1].

4. Neptune Planet, Diameter: 49,244 km

Named for Neptune, the Roman god of the sea.

If you thought Saturn’s wind speeds were high, just be thankful we don’t get Neptunian levels here: winds have been recorded up to 2,100km/hr.

5. Earth Planet, Diameter: 12,742 km

The name Earth comes from the Anglo-Saxon word erda, which means ground or soil. This in turn became eorthe in Old English and then erthe in Middle English.

Our home planet, as if you didn’t know. Although Mt Everest is the highest point above sea-level, the point furthest from the centre of the Earth is actually Mount Chimborazo in Ecuador. This is because the Earth is not a perfect sphere, but an oblate spheroid: the equator bulges slightly as a result of the Earth’s spin.

6. Venus Planet, Diameter: 12,104 km

Named for the Roman goddess of love, Venus. Had people known about its hellish countenance when it was named, Venus might not have been the name chosen. Pluto might well have been a more apt title.

Our twin planet, but only in size. Its atmosphere contains clouds of sulphuric acid, the pressure at ground level is 92 times normal sea-level here on Earth and the temperature at the surface (460°C) is easily hot enough to melt lead (melting point 327.6°C), zinc (melting point 419.73°C) and tellurium (449.65°C). Yes, even tellurium would succumb on the surface of Venus.

7. Mars Planet, Diameter: 6,780 km

Named for the Roman god of war, Mars.

The Red Planet. Home of more fictional aliens than anywhere else in the universe. Apart from perhaps the Mos Eisley Cantina. In 50 million years time, Mars may get its own ring system: one of its satellites, the tiny Phobos, is slowly spiraling in to the planet, and will likely break up because of tidal forces. I guess if it doesn’t break apart, there will an even more spectacular, albeit short-lived, end for Phobos when it impacts on Mars.

8. Ganymede Satellite of Jupiter, Diameter: 5,262 km

Named for Ganymede, cupbearer of the Greek gods and Zeus’ beloved. The name was suggested by astronomer Simon Marius sometime between 1610 (when it was discovered by Galileo, and possibly Marius himself independently) and 1614. Obviously people in the 17th and 18th centuries didn’t mind mixing Roman and Greek deities.

If this were in orbit directly around the Sun instead of indirectly via Jupiter, it would be the eighth largest planet. So why can’t it be called a planet too? Ganymede is even expected to host a saltwater ocean. It might prove a bit hard to get to, unfortunately: if it really does exist, it’s probably about 200 km below the surface.

9. Titan Satellite of Saturn, Diameter: 5,152 km

Named for the group of Greek gods known as the Titans. Its original name had simply been Saturni Luna (Saturn’s Moon), coined by its discoverer Christiaan Huygens. That prosaic name lasted almost 200 hundred years before Titan was chosen by John Herschel in 1847.

Another giant moon, this one of Saturn, blocks out the eighth official planet. Titan has a substantial methane atmosphere, and is unique amongst all the satellites in the Solar System in this regard. Scientists think that the atmosphere on Titan is very similar to what the Earth’s might have been like, except that it is far colder: about –180°C. Because of this, it was targeted by the Cassini spacecraft: specifically the Huygens probe, which touched down on Titan’s surface on January 15, 2004.

10. Mercury Planet, Diameter: 4,880 km

Named for the Roman messenger god Mercury. The Greeks had observed this planet as far back as the 1000 BC, but had believed it to be two separate objects, which they named Apollo and Hermes.

In 1974, the spacecraft Mariner 10 became the first probe to visit the messenger planet. Just before its first flyby of the planet, Mariner 10 picked up some anomalous ultraviolet radiation coming from around Mars. The next day it had disappeared, before reappearing three days later. Its appearance was consistent with a satellite orbiting Mercury. Eventually, however, the “moon” started to move away from the planet — something that moons aren’t really supposed to do. It was then found to be a star. Mercury’s moon was not meant to be. A new probe, called MESSENGER, is now observing the planet. MESSENGER is due to settle in to orbit around Mercury in March 2011 after three flybys during the preceding few years.

11. Callisto Satellite of Jupiter, Diameter: 4,820 km

Named for one of Jupiter’s many lovers in Greek mythology. Callisto was a nymph associated with the goddess of the hunt, Artemis.

Callisto is the second largest of Jupiter’s moons, and is thought to be about 50% rock and 50% ice. And it’s only just smaller than Mercury. Callisto served as the basis for a NASA conceptual study called Human Outer Planet Exploration (HOPE) (pdf file, 3.1MB) in 2003.

12. Io Satellite of Jupiter, Diameter: 3,643 km

The name was again from Simon Marius. Io (mythology) was a priestess of Hera in Argos, and one of the many lovers of Zeus.

Along with Earth, Io is the most geologically active body in the Solar System. Io has over 400 active volcanoes. While Earth has many more (1,500 that we know about, with possibly many thousands more under the ocean), it seems the ones on Io are far more active, constantly spewing out plumes of sulphur and sulphur dioxide, sometimes to over 500 km in height.

13. Moon Satellite of Earth, Diameter: 3,474 km

Moon is a Germanic word ultimately derived from the Proto-Indo-European root me–, which relates to measurements. This underscores the usefulness of the Moon as a time keeper of the ancients. And not so ancient.

I think it’s time for the human race to head back to the Moon. And do you know what, we’re down to the 13th largest body in the Solar System, and no sign of Pluto, the ninth “planet”?

14. Europa Satellite of Jupiter, Diameter: 3,122 km

Simon Marquis named all four of the Galilean moons. Europa was a mythical Phoenician noblewoman who was courted by Zeus.

All these worlds are yours except Europa. Attempt no landing there.

So says HAL at the end of 2010: Odyssey Two. The makers of the giant black monoliths of Arthur C Clarke’s influential series have deemed that Europa is an apt place to nurture life, and have warned humans away via the artificially intelligent HAL. Well, it’s 2009, and there is no sign of any giant black monoliths, but Arthur C Clarke was right: Europa is a prime candidate for extraterrestrial life (albeit probably only of the bacterial equivalent kind). Being so close to Jupiter induces tidal flexing that may allow a warm water ocean to exist under about 20 km of ice. Should this be the case, there may be potential for organisms, such as extremeophiles, to exist there.

15. Triton Satellite of Neptune, Diameter: 2,707 km

Triton is the son of the Greek god Poseidon (the Greek equivalent of Neptune). It was suggested by Camille Flammarion in 1880, about 34 years after the satellite was discovered by William Lassell. But it was almost 70 years before the name Triton caught on. Until 1949, when a second Neptunian satellite, Nereid, was discovered Triton was simply known as “the satellite of Neptune”.

Triton is the only major satellite to orbit in a retrograde motion around its parent planet. Retrograde means against the parent planet’s direction of rotation. (This is probably because Triton is a captured Kuiper Belt object, a group of objects that originated in the far reaches of our Solar System. Pluto is one of these objects as well.) Most other satellites in the Solar System are thought to have co-originated with their parent planets, or at least been formed out of the same pile of rubble that was spinning in vaguely the same direction. If Triton had never been captured by Neptune, it would likely have been the ninth planet as opposed to Pluto. Which reminds me, we’re down to the 15th largest body in the Solar System (not counting the Sun), and still no Pluto.

16. Eris Dwarf Planet, Diameter: ~2,600 km

Named for the Greek goddess Eris, a personification of strife and discord. The naming of this object was eventful, and the final name represents the challenges had in naming it. Discovered in 2005, it was given the nickname Xena (after the TV programme Xena: Warrior Princess). The leader of the discovery team, Mike Brown, then suggested Lila (from Hindu mythology) and Persephone (the wife of Pluto) before finally agreeing with the astronomy community on Eris. Eris was officially known as 2003 UB₃₁₃ from its discovery until Eris became its sanctioned name.

Eris is the first substantial object to have been found in the Solar System since Clyde Tombaugh discovered Pluto in 1930. Eris is one of a number of so-called trans-Neptunian objects to have been found recently. Pluto was the first, although it wasn’t really known as such for many years, at least outside of the arcane inner sanctum of the planetary scientists. Other notable TNOs include Makemake, Haumea, Sedna and the tongue-twisting Quaoar. There are many, many other TNOs that have been found in the past few years, and many more will likely be found. Some may even be larger than Eris.

17. Pluto Dwarf Planet, Diameter: 2,390 km

Named for the Roman god of the Underworld, Pluto. The Disney character Pluto was named in honour of the planet.

Finally, we are here. The so-called ninth planet. The 17th largest body in the Solar System. Personally, I don’t really care that Pluto has been demoted to the ranks of the lesser bodies. It’s just a reflection of reality, which is the ultimate goal of science. Nostalgia for the old view of nine planets in our Solar System has no place here.

However, while I think it would be wrong for Pluto to be returned to the pantheon of planets (unless we were to go the whole hog and initiate tens, if not hundreds, of bodies into that definition), I think that Pluto should always be regarded affectionately, and we should never forget the contributions of Percival Lowell (whose quest for the elusive Planet X directly caused Pluto to be discovered, even though the need for a Planet X was eventually found to be lacking) and Clyde Tombaugh (who spent uncounted hours glued to his blink comparator to find said elusive Planet X). And it will be a thrill to see the results of NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft, due to rendezvous with this frozen outpost of the solar family in 2015. Here’s hoping this little dwarf planet throws up some more curve balls for science to grapple with.

[1] This seems counter-intuitive, but is due to the nature of gravity, ably approximated by Isaac Newton’s Law of Universal Gravitation. (Well, this “law” is technically a scientific theory; and yes, it has been superseded by Albert Einstein’s Theory of General Relativity when it comes to our modern understanding of gravity, but it is a perfectly fine approximation for what we need.) Two outcomes from Newton’s law are (1) the mass of a uniformly dense spherical object can be considered to be concentrated at the exact centre of that sphere (a consequence of the Shell Theorem, if you must know) for all bodies at or beyond the surface of that object, and (2) the gravity experienced at the surface of such a body is proportional to its mass and inversely proportional to the square of its radius. This second outcome means that for a given body, if you were to increase the radius of that body by, for example, a factor of three whilst keeping the mass the same, the gravitational force on the surface will go down by a factor of nine. Taking outcomes (1) and (2), and assuming for our purposes that Uranus is a uniformly dense spherical object (close enough to be good enough), it can be deduced that the force of gravity felt at its surface is a lot less than you might think: about 90% of the force you feel here on Earth. Which means if you weigh 75kg here on Earth, you would feel like you weighed 67.5kg on Uranus. Physics can be strange.

To get you up on the play, we — we being myself, Darryl, Jed, Hadyn, Amy, Dom and Frank — did 48Hours again this year. And for the third time in six years I got the Educational film genre. Damn, I was disappointed. Actually, we all were disappointed. After last year’s success, helped immeasurably by finally getting to do a film in a genre that was interesting and amenable to a proper narrative story, we were looking forward to building on that and applying the lessons learnt to this year’s effort. And then we get Educational.

OK, maybe we’re not creative enough, but, I mean, doesn’t Educational just scream “man-in-a-lab-coat-explaining-chemistry-with-a-bunsen-burner-BORING!” into your skull? And if it’s not to be boring then to me it’s the other end of the spectrum: slapstick, over-the-top, often fart-joke, funny. That has its place — flatulence is funny after all — but we didn’t want to make one of those. We wanted to be serious and practice some film-making theory. And not be boring. OK, maybe the 48Hour film competition isn’t really the forum to be practicing serious film-making. But because we all love film, and getting everybody organised at other times is like herding cats, 48Hours is really a fantastic opportunity to do that: it’s short (48 hours, duh), there are ready-made constraints (the genre, the random elements) and it has…uh…the vibe.

So, we got landed with a genre that was not story-friendly. And to prove that point, we spent until 3am on the Saturday struggling to come up with ideas, and when we did come up with one, we all kind of went “Nnnnhhh”. Come 3am, we had landed on the tiniest germ of an idea (let’s pretend to be the devil and do something mean to the audience, like pretend to hypnotise them — well, why not?), but we had no script. One thing we did know was that we wanted something that could be delivered to camera virtually as a monologue. It meant our poor actor, Frank Edwards, star of last year’s Re:Generation, would have to learn about 3 minutes worth of dialogue, but it also meant vastly reduced shooting and editing times. So, to bed feeling a little deflated that we couldn’t nail a script, but feeling that we’d be OK once we did.

To make matters worse — for me, anyway — I had to play interclub golf all day Saturday, which meant getting all of about three hours sleep in order to be ready for my 7.30am tee time.

Being out on the golf course all day meant I had to leave the rest of the team to their own devices: as long as their devices included writing the movie. A break between my matches late morning meant I could give Jed a call to see how things were going. “Still writing. But almost done.” OK, not so bad. Maybe finish by mid-afternoon and begin to start shooting almost straight away, leaving not much for me to do for the rest of the day, tired as I would be after nine hours walking around a windy, but fortunately sunny, Shandon golf course.

The afternoon dragged on a bit, as the golf meant I was in communicado from the team. Consequently, with my heart not really in it, I washed out completely in my afternoon match. But that meant I was finally able to start thinking of rejoining the guys and making some sort of contribution to our film. Another call to Jed about 5 o’clock and another update: “Just finished writing, about to start setting up for filming”. Almost halfway through the 48 hours and only just finished writing. Well, even that wasn’t quite true: I found out later that as we were on that phone call rewrites were still in progress and a final, satisfactory, script was still just over an hour away. Still, I got the impression that Hadyn, Jed and Darryl were all quietly confident they had got something film-worthy, and even more importantly, something that would be quick to film and to edit.

It had always been our intention to make filming as simple as possible. To that end, in our one big pre-48Hours organisational outburst, we had snaffled a community hall — Vogelmorn — to shoot in. One location, one actor, a three-minute monologue and a fixed camera. This might work after all.

After the short drive from Shandon back into Wellington, and a quick shower I headed over to Vogelmorn Hall to start setting up the camera and lights. For the first time on the weekend, everyone was there: Jed, Darryl, Hadyn, Amy (our makeup expert), Dom (extra acting and voice-over duties, if required), Frank, me. And for the first time, for me anyway, it felt like a film. We had the lights, we had the camera, and we had some action. Albeit very minimal action.

Setting up the lights probably took a little longer than we thought it might. Vogelmorn Hall proved to be a great location, but getting the lighting just so proved tricky. Jed had procured three proper lights from his work: they all came on extensible stands, had dimmers and had barn doors to enable a large range of control. Even with all the proper equipment, setting up three lights so that even lighting was the result (with just a spot more here, and a spot less there) was difficult enough to make you appreciate how good the professional lighters and cinematographers are. Eventually we got what we were after, or at least got close enough that we felt compelled to continue on.

Even though a three-minute monologue to camera doesn’t sound like a huge amount, that’s still three pages of dialogue an actor has to learn. Quite a tough ask, but as we found out last year, Frank was more than capable. We did spend a couple of hours shooting that one scene: even Frank wasn’t beyond making mistakes. We also filmed a few other shots that we though we might be able to use as fillers; perhaps splice in the occasional frame here and there, so that even though the film is ostensibly one cut, we could throw in some trickery here and there.

I suppose I should mention the 48Hours rules for 2009: a character named “Alex Puddle”, who is an exaggerator; a rock; and “it doesn’t fit” as the line of dialogue. We tried to be tricky with all three of those rules and work them in without being too obvious. We must have at least partially succeeded, as it turned out our “it doesn’t fit” line was nominated in the Wellington region for Best Use of Line.

We finished shooting about 11pm. Back on schedule already, with hopefully an easy edit to come. Last year we were still had a third of our shoot to film on the Sunday. The joys of a simple script. My day hadn’t quite finished, however. Jed, Darryl and I retired to Darryl’s house where we began to log and capture the footage. We had about nine or ten takes of the monologue, plus various other shots (Frank pulling faces, Dom doing Frank’s lines in case we wanted to do some audio effects, our insert shot of the rock). Our intention was to make a slightly disturbing short: something that hadn’t been done before, and would be quite different. The extra footage we shot would be of use to that end.

At 3am on the Sunday morning, with capture and logging finally finished, we had a good idea of which pieces and takes were the best. Time for some well-earned sleep. It was with a rather exhausted body and mind that I climbed into bed that night. Er, morning.

Five hours later I felt compelled to get up and give editing a crack. Although we needed minimal editing, there were a couple of spots where Frank’s performance was better in one take than in the other, and vice versa. And to make the finished film look like one take we had to do some quite technical edits. Because it was an educational film and we weren’t exactly sure of the look we wanted, we did a lot of experimentation in the editing, most of which we had to throw away after seeing it didn’t really work.

As is usual for Sunday on 48Hours weekend, time just flew by. Before we knew it, it was 4.30pm, and Hadyn had only just come up with a title: “Blink of the Mind”. But because of the low number of edits we had to make, come 5pm we also had an edit of the film. We printed a version out to tape and sent it down to the finish line with Hadyn; our just-in-case version. Darryl and I then spent some time trying a few more tweaks and experiments. In the end, however, we didn’t end up changing anything at all, save some un-de-interlacing of the title text that got mangled by the de-interlace filter we’d used on the version that Hadyn had with him. At 6:45pm we called it quits and we headed down to see Hadyn at the finish line and hand in our second, only-very-slightly-improved version.

Surprisingly, even though writing took a whole day, no one was panicking at all, and in the end it was a cruise through (even more so than last year, which I thought was very straightforward). I like these small teams and very constrained shoots; as long as your story/script is nailed down and simple, shooting and editing is much more straightforward and faster.

Although we were happy with our film, I don’t think we were that confident of making the Wellington final, and we were under no aspersions that the film was as good as last year’s. And so it came to pass: we missed out on the finals, although, according to various sources, only by that much. After seeing the final, and seeing the quality of most of the finalists, I wasn’t surprised we missed out. We were hopeful of Frank garnering another Best Actor’s nomination, but that turned out to be wide of the mark. I think that was a shame: he made a sterling effort, as usual. We had to be content with our Best Use of Line nomination. Oh well, maybe next year…

…although maybe not.

We Choose the Moon is the complete realtime 40th anniversary experience. It’s a Flash crap-fest unfortunately, and you have to sit through an introduction that shows you what’s what (and I can’t find any way to skip it), but it’s the best one-stop-shop I’ve found: it gives the realtime radio, the Twitter updates and a diagram showing where in the mission the spacecraft is. If only they’d done it in HTML and used Flash only for their occasional animations.

NASA’s Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter has imaged the original Apollo landing sites! You can even see the tracks the astronauts made when moving between their lander and the scientific instruments they had set up (in the Apollo 14 shot to the left there).

Certainly there have been giant steps in all sorts of fields of human endeavour throughout history, but my feeling is that at the pinnacle is this: Apollo 11.

Everything else was just a prelude. Fire and chemistry to fuel the boosters; the written word, and ultimately the printing press, to enable people to communicate more readily and disseminate knowledge with previously unimageinable ease; the thinking machinations of computers and the genius of Newton to enable calculation of orbits and entry angles at the speed of electrons; the accumulated astronomical observations and navigational techniques of eons past that made possible the safe journeys of the astronauts to the Moon and back; the medical knowledge of the centuries of scientific reason that allowed doctors on Earth to make sure the astronauts were healthy and able to do their jobs (even if it meant sometimes the medicine got in the way of some astronaut’s dreams); James Clerk Maxwell and the miracles of electro-magnetism; Einstein for, well, being Albert Einstein, not just his immense contributions that reverberate through most modern technology, but the power his name gave to science; the Wright brothers for getting powered flight off the ground in the first place; Robert H Goddard (to whom the New York Times published an apology when Apollo 11 landed!), Konstantin Tsiolkovskii and Hermann Oberth, the three fathers of rocketry; and last, but nowhere near least, the imagination and flights of fancy, the arts, of people, without which would we ever have stared up at the Moon and wondered whether it was cheese.

I think it was immensely sad that as the political ramifications of Apollo dropped away, so did public interest, and, more importantly, political will. America had beaten those damn Russkies to the Moon, and as a consequence, once was really enough. Interest was held for Apollo 12, but it quickly dissipated. Apollo 13 was only propelled into the public’s gaze as a consequence of its accident, but the drama of a manned trip to the Moon quickly became mundane. The astronauts even started playing golf up there. Once that happens, you know strip malls and movie multiplexes can’t be far behind, and you can get that stuff here on Earth for a lot less effort. Fortunately, a number of Apollo missions were still able to fly before Apollos 18, 19 and 20 were cancelled.

Even though there have been a number of other successful manned space_flight ventures since Apollo (Skylab, Soyuz, Mir, the Space Shuttle, the International Space Station), none of them have had anywhere near the impact Apollo had (and still has). For some reason, and I cannot quite understand this considering the complete aversion to science, George W Bush’s administration began a quest to regain the glory days. The Constellation Program is a long-term project whose aim is to see America return to the Moon, and then hopefully on to Mars. It is destined to take over as the prime NASA manned space_flight program after the Space Shuttle is finally retired next year. Only seven more STS missions are planned, not counting STS-127, the current Endeavour one, which launched on a 16-day mission yesterday. (As a related aside, check out the launch video; my favourite part starts at about 0:55! Now that’s power.)

Unfortunately, the first flight of the new Orion spacecraft (the name of Constellation’s crew compartment) isn’t scheduled until 2014. And that scheduling is rather loose, being as it is a few years off. A lot can happen in five years, and Constellation’s status is not assured. In light of the need for America to take more account of its, er, accounts, Constellation is subject to a review by the current Obama administration. Now I like old Barack, but please, please do not cut back NASA spending. Yeah, yeah, I know that there are more pressing, Earthly matters, but forgive me my transcendental indulgences. Surely investment in a major undertaking like Constellation will be fuel for more constructive activities and growth than may seem apparent right now. If nothing else, Constellation will fire more imaginations than any number of government handouts to corrupt and inept corporations and institutions ever could. That’s gotta be good, right? (And yeah, I think that current economic theory, whatever that is, is a crock of bollocks and doesn’t work, but that’s just me. Of course, I’m no expert; I just like to fling crap from a position of ignorance.)

Now, back to a working Constellation program. If everything stays to the current plan, there will be four years where the US won’t have any manned launch capability. Of course, that won’t stop other countries from doing their own thing, and potentially leapfrog the States in the process. Russia, of course, has its Soyuz and China its Shenzhou. And India is a growing powerhouse in this area. And Europe, whom I’ve long thought should be vying with Russia and the States as a manned space player considering their long history of engineering prowess, is looking into manned spaceflight, albeit with seemingly less push than the others.

Now, I’m not going to denigrate these countries’ efforts, but it’s been America that has set the standard in space since the mid-1960s (and Russia’s initial leadership), and the world needs them to keep pushing, if only to keep all the other players on their toes and lift their game. I may be overly optimistic, but I think a space race is something we can all win. (How about that for a sickly platitude!)

Anyway, back to Apollo 11. Because it is the 40th anniversary, there are a number of things happening:

• Check out the realtime radio chatter of Apollo 11 and ground control (CAPCOM). It started with lift-off (or maybe a bit before) at about 1:30am NZT today. The really, really, really interesting bits (remember it is all interesting, even the static-y silences) will occur from about 7:30am on Tuesday 21 July. (The Moon-landing took place at 8:17:40pm UTC on July 20, 1969.)
• If you’re a Twitterer, you can follow NASA, as well as a Twitter-ised version of the realtime radio chatter: Apollo 11 CAPCOM, Apollo 11 Command Module (Columbia) and Apollo 11 Lunar Module (Eagle).
• NASA has released restored high-definition videos of parts of the Moon-landing. This is part of a project to completely restore the Apollo 11 video, due to finish in September.
• Check out the Bad Astronomer for commentary and insight on all things spacey and sciency (including, of course, this Apollo 11 anniversary).
• And if you’re also interested in current space events, Mark Polansky, commander of STS-127 (that’s the current Space Shuttle Endeavour mission) is Twittering from Earth orbit.

[1] Yes, the launch date was 16 July, but that was US Eastern Time, a full 16 hours behind NZT. Hence Apollo 11 took off at 1:32am on July 17 NZT.

First up was 2RhAB — Two Redheads & a Blonde with “Animal Control” (Animal). This was the second time I’d seen this particular film. I saw it in its heat as well. I actually preferred another film in that heat (Abby Normal’s “Expired”) and I must admit I was surprised to see “Expired” miss out and “Animal Control” get in. Two things got to me about “Animal Control”. One was that it was a fly-on-the-wall mocku-f^#$@ing-mentary. I won’t go on about mockumentaries again, as I’ve made my feelings very clear about them previously. Two was that I couldn’t really find a story in there. It was more a slice-of-life film, which in itself isn’t too bad, but I would rather have had a nice little beginning, middle and end to ground me. I will say this for the film, though: the acting was first rate, and there were some genuinely funny moments, so it was entertaining. (Note: they have a director’s cut available for viewing as well.)

My Rating: B–.
Did it deserve to be there? Possibly. Personally, I would have put “Expired” in ahead of this, but I don’t think it was the weakest of the finalists.
Did it deserve to win? No.

Second up was Blip Productions with “Brothers” (Buddy). This was also the second time I had seen this film. And it stood up very well on its second viewing. Like our film, this short had a distinct lack of dialogue and took a considered, languid approach. It wasn’t comedic, and it didn’t set out to be. It’s good to see films not relying on cheap laughs to engage the audience. Despite the lack of dialogue, “Brothers” showed an impressive depth of emotion, especially in the genuine warmth of the characters and the downer of an ending. An impressive showing.

My Rating: B+.
Did it deserve to be there? Yes.
Did it deserve to win? It was let down through some technical glitches at the end, but even had those been fixed, I would’ve struggled to award it first place.

Then came “Truth On Your Face” (Juvenile Delinquent) from team Hubris. Gah. Another mockumentary. Unmemorable. Have nothin’ to say ’bout it.

My Rating: Mockumentary.
Did it deserve to be there? Mockumentary.
Did it deserve to win? Mockumentary.

Next was Liquid Chicken with “Love Cycles” (Romance). A very good little number that had memorable performances from the three main actors involved (the two cycle couriers and the receptionist). The story was nothing special, but it was effective enough. The acting and production values definitely lifted this.

My Rating: B+.
Did it deserve to be there? Yes.
Did it deserve to win? Not quite.

The next film shown was “The Heist: Diamond in the Desert” (Crime) from Masonic Pictures. Making the finals for the second year running, Masonic Pictures employed their usual tactic of using (real) mice and rats as the actors. A great gimmick, and it can really enhance the film if it was built on a solid premise, as it was for their film from last year, “Hell Fire and Angels”. Unfortunately, this year the story was not that good, and the film came off, to me anyway, as a one-trick pony. Fantastic sets, though!

My Rating: C+.
Did it deserve to be there? I don’t think so.
Did it deserve to win? Nope.

And then came one we’d all been waiting for: our one! Team Minimal Dramas with “Re:Generation”, a Time Travel odyssey told in one (shortish) part. It was every bit as large as I thought it would be on the Embassy’s giant screen.

My Rating: Three oranges, an apple and two bananas.
Did it deserve to be there? I don’t know if “deserve” is the right word. And “there” is a relative term, anyway. But the answer, I think, is affirmative anyway.
Did it deserve to win? If there was a prize for best Time Travel Film Shown at the Wellington Regional Final of 48Hours, then I would have to say possibly.

We had a short intermission, then it was right back into it with team Moffilaide and “Jack & Johnny” (Musical). Rock on! This was very well done. Yet another film I had seen previously in the heats. This one was in our heat, Heat 7, and it deservedly won Audience Favourite. The high-five was probably the highlight for me. As I’ve mentioned many times before, musical is the most dreaded 48Hours genre (and with good reason), so to pull it off is a fantastic achievement indeed. Moffilaide pulled it off.

My Rating: A–.
Did it deserve to be there? Oh yes.
Did it deserve to win? Probably not, but stranger things have happened.

After the frantic highs of “Jack & Johnny” we switched into a different gear with Pancake Pictures and their film “Resignation” (Drama). I could see this film had merits, not the least of which was a fantastic performance from the lead actress, but it just didn’t do it for me. The tale concerned a politician being forced to resign because of dirt a particular journalist had on them. The politician, being a politician, found a dirty and completely illegal way of getting out of the bind. The method used was not a happy one for the journalist. I found the film a bit too talky (read boring), and it could’ve done with a good trim. And the ending was initially lost on me as well, which was significant, as the ending is very important. Even finding out about the ending’s significance afterwards was not enough to raise the film in my estimation. What was interesting about this film was that the judges deemed it the 3rd best film in Wellington. In other words, it was one of the nominees for Best Film (along with us and “Darlene”). What that meant for our film, I’m not sure!

My Rating: B–.
Did it deserve to be there? Debatable.
Did it deserve to win? No.

Next up was “F*Dance” (Dance) from team Puppy Guts. This film was most things “Resignation” was not. It was a dance movie, as related to drama. It had a male lead, as opposed to a female lead. It was funny, as opposed to not funny. “F*Dance” was the consumate 48Hours dance movie: take the genre, play with it a little, add some nods to famous movies of yesteryear (in this case “Flashdance” and “Rocky”), plonk in some good music, reuse the oldie-but-goodie story-line of the hero falling from grace but then rebounding stronger than before after going back to his roots and discovering his inner strength and the “secret” he had been striving for all along. And the finger dancing was a sight to behold. I’ve tried it, and it was not as easy as it looked. It was probably a crime this movie wasn’t recognised more in the Wellington final, but it got its revenge and then some (much like its hero…oooh, self-referential) when it won the overall Grand National Prize after going through to the national final as a Peter Jackson Wildcard.

My Rating: A.
Did it deserve to be there? No question.
Did it deserve to win? It could easily have won the Wellington Regional Final. Although the judges this year had a definite inclinaton towards serious films, á la “Darlene”, “Re:Generation” and “Resignation”, and that probably counted against it. The judges in the Grand National Final were all international judges, and probably aren’t as cynical towards funny 48Hours films as the recurring judges seem to be now!

Following “F*Dance” would be quite a mission, but Smashing Pants with “Darlene” (Juvenile Delinquent) managed it. “Darlene” was revealed at the end of the evening as the Wellington winner, which didn’t get too many complaints from me. It turns out this is a three-peat for the team (who’ve gone through name changes every year) after their efforts with “The Baby Farmer” (deserved, if you ask me) and “Maori Detective and the Boogie Fever” (not so deserved) in the previous two years. Another serious film, “Darlene” scored in most major categories: story, cinematography, acting. The only thing that possibly ruined it for me (and for many others judging on feedback I’ve read and heard) was that the lead actress, good as she was, did not look 17 years of age, as the story required. It was quite obvious she was older, and although I completely understand that this team did not have access to an actress of the desired age it did strain believability. A shame.

My Rating: A.
Did it deserve to be there? Yes.
Did it deserve to win? Yes.

The penultimate film was “The Ghost of Kerry Post” (Horror) from Will She Wait. This 48Hours alumni (who I thought should’ve won Wellington last year with “Shooting Star”) produced another slick short. This film was the only one I saw this year that did a self-referential 48Hours film: make a 48Hours film about a team making a 48Hours film. This was in contrast to at least two I saw last year that did this. The film certainly looked the goods, but the scary bits it attempted just weren’t quite scary enough. There was a bit at the end that was a valiant attempt in scariness, but — maybe I’m jaded — it didn’t quite work for me.

My Rating: B.
Did it deserve to be there? Yeah, probably.
Did it deserve to win? No.

And last, though definitely not least, was White Tiger with “Perfect Love” (Romance). This Taika Waititi film was remarkably restrained (for him). Taika (who else?) stars as a man who enjoys everything in life that is perfect, wandering around the streets of sunny Wellington remarking on perfect letterboxes, perfect window displays, etc. However, this being a romance, he just cannot find love. Well, not until he looks into a mirror. I thought this film was very underrated by the judges — I can’t remember it even being mentioned once in the nominations. It probably could have been trimmed a little, as it felt slightly too long, but it was definitely one of the better films shown in the final. The judges probably had a strong case of Taika-itis and felt that being exposed too much presented a serious health risk.

My Rating: A–.
Did it deserve to be there? It was too good not to be there.
Did it deserve to win? Against “Darlene” or “F*Dance” or “Re:Generation” (there, I said it)? Probably not.

So, all in all an entertaining final which predictably followed all of the others in throwing up a mixture of solid films and films that I personally would not have put into the final. Apart from “Expired”, team Chess Club with “The Hack Pack” were probably the team that could most feel a little hard done by, and certainly got a lot of sympathy in the forums for missing out on the final. And there were a couple of films that were ineligible because of lateness or major technical glitches that had to be corrected after the Sunday 7pm deadline. Amongst those, Prime Rib’s “About a Bug” and Traces of Nut’s “Half a Horse” were stellar creations that probably would have shunted themselves into the final had they been eligible. Still, that’s what 48Hours is all about. Long may it continue.

I am coining it because in my fifth year of competing, the film I was involved with — “Re:Generation” — did rather well. I knew we’d made a tight little film. With a simple little story it flowed nicely (we thought), and clocked in at a shade over four minutes long. Which made it on the short side; a good thing. Many, if not most, 48Hours films bloat out to the maximum allowable seven minutes. And surprisingly that often makes for a interminable watch. (Not all seven minute films suffer from this, of course!) If people were to get bored watching our film, at least they wouldn’t be bored for long. But its success violently exceeded my expectations. I guess my expectations weren’t that high to start with; having minimal ones was in keeping with our theme this year: team name (Minimal Dramas), team numbers (minimal), locations used (minimal), dialogue used (only the required line, so minimal), etc, etc. So, while only exceeding expectations wouldn’t have been that much of a stretch, violently exceeding them was. To violently exceed expectations, a number of things had to happen.

1. Get a Good Reception at Our Heat

Check. Despite being a serious film, we managed to get some good reactions out of the audience, especially at our big reveal. (You’ll have to watch it yourself so I don’t spoil it for anyone.) Having said that, there were a couple of other films in our heat that were much more pleasing to the crowd. So, while we got a good reception from the audience, we weren’t really in the running for our heat’s Audience Favourite. (Only having our four team members in attendance, plus a very few hangers on, probably didn’t help matters, either, in what was really a numbers contest.) We did get a couple of good write-ups in the 48Hours forums (registration required): one from user “steelpotato” and the other from user “nomio”. We were very happy with the film’s reception. And on the back of that, we were wondering, could we…

2. Make the Wellington Regional Final?

Check. Making a regional final has been my aim ever since I realised there was a regional final to make. And this year, finally, the judges saw fit to reward our film with a place amongst Wellington’s finest! I had my fingers crossed after the film’s reception at the heat, but wouldn’t have been surprised if we hadn’t made it. I went to a few heats, and there were some top-notch films shown. Some of which did not make the final. To make the final ahead of some of those other films was very gratifying. At this stage, after the finalists’ announcement, I must admit I got a bit ahead of myself and my expectations threatened to take off. I half started to compose a victory speech in which I thanked all the “losers” and told the audience of the many ways “Re:Generation” was superior to “The Godfather” and…I struggled to get them under control, finally managing to do so with the realisation that there were some damn fine films in the final. So it was with a sense of pragmatic excitement that we turned up at the Embassy theatre on the evening of Wednesday 11th June. The final consisted of a viewing of all twelve finalists followed by the category nominations — including the biggest of them all, Best Film.

3. Get some Category Nominations?

Check. Once in the final, pretty much anything further would be a bonus. Apart from pure flights of fancy, it never entered my head that we might actually be recognised with more than just a place in the final. But it looked like the Wellington judges had other ideas. We got not one, not two, not three, not four, but five separate nominations: Best Actor (for Frank), Best Script, Best Make-Up, Best Editing and Best Film. Yep, we got nominated for Best Film!! So, could we…

4. Win Something?

Check! The evening at the Embassy just kept getting better and better. Best Actor was the first nomination to come up, and lo and behold, Frank won! Woo-hoo! We gave him a standing ovation as he went to accept his award. The rest of the night became a bit of a blur as the shock of even getting one nomination, let alone a win, started to set in. We missed out on Best Editing, which went to a deserving “Jack & Johnny”. We also missed out on Best Script, which went to “Darlene”, another deserving winner. I thought it was an ironic nomination for us anyway, as the only line of dialogue in our entire film was the compulsory “wait a minute”! Yes, I know a script is way more than just dialogue, but I found it amusing anyway.

We did win Best Make-Up, though. In fact, we were the only nomination. Either all of Wellington had gotten very lackadaisical about make-up this year, or our creation, achieved through copious amounts of talcum powder and crushed ice, was so intimidating the judges couldn’t show the other contenders for fear of embarrassment. I’m going for the former reason as the more likely. So, after wending our way through various other categories that we weren’t nominated for (Best Actress, Best Cinematography, etc), we got to the big one: Best Film. As our team name popped up on screen as one of the three nominees, I couldn’t believe it. The unbelievability factor got worse a few seconds later as the Second Runner-Up name was flashed up on screen. It wasn’t us! Good grief, we were going to come at least second! Just as the unbelievability meter was about to peg off-scale it settled on “really, really high” as we were announced as WELLINGTON RUNNERS-UP for 2008!!!

Ye-gads — hence the “violently exceeded expectations” bit above. To say we were overwhelmed was an understatement. We were all very happy with our little film, but to be recognised by others for it was something else. I’m not sure I’ll ever come down properly from this high. Except maybe when next year’s 48Hours rolls around and I want to complete some unfinished business: this year, Wellington, next year, New Zealand! Maybe. Stay tuned…

Speaking of the Wellington Regional Final, I think I will do my annual review. I’ll probably not say much about “Re:Generation”, but I have a few thoughts on the other films that were shown. And thoughts on some films that weren’t. Stay double tuned…

(Just for the record, the Second Runner-Up was “Resignation” and the Overall Winner for Wellington was “Darlene”; more on them in my finals write-up.)

And here, as hasn’t been promised anywhere at all, is our re-edited version of the film “Re:Generation Re:Dux”, now with extra desaturation, visual effects and sound.

Warning: it is long, and I know you all have ADHD, but stick with it, it might be worth it.

After four years of doing this wretched competition, I think maybe I have learnt something. Don’t do it for a fifth year? Yes, well there is that. But, no, I meant the other thing I learnt: keep it simple. Not really a remarkable insight, I grant you. But I don’t think I realised how simple you could keep it. The answer, as I learnt this year, is very simple. The simpler the better. In fact, leave it mostly up to the audience. Do something really simple that doesn’t answer every question and leave the work up to the audience—leave them to fill in the blanks. They usually do a pretty good job.

As all of my previous 48Hours jaunts were with large(ish) teams, this year, keeping with the simple theme, I went minimal. I teamed up with Jed and Darryl (aka Dazz, aka the Dazzler, aka Big D). Together with Jed’s next-door neighbour, Frank, who fulfilled our requirement for one outstanding actor, we made up a four-man team. By turns excited and terrified in the weeks leading up to the competition (usually excited and terrified in the same breath), oft-heard questions spoken by the three of us included “What the hell are we doing?”, “Are we mad?” and “Nurffle blurffle scurffle?”

“We don’t know, we’re making this up as we go along” answers the first question, the third question answers the second question, and “Turffle”, of course, is the answer to the third question.

But those were trivial concerns compared with a much more pressing problem: what should we call ourselves? The team name is the be all and end all of 48Hours. Sure, your short film may suck, but you can point to your team name of “Señor Spielbergo and the Wondernuts” or [insert funny team name here] and bask in the knowledge that even though your film is now used at Guantanamo Bay in place of waterboarding, at least your team name has wit, style and the ability to woo entire harems with a single glance. Conversely, your film may win the whole dang thing, but people will look at your team name of “Team Name”, yawn and proceed to jam thumbtacks into their, er, thumbs. (Apologies to any teams with the team name “Team Name”.)

Because we were going all minimal, we needed a team name that highlighted this. We also needed something that seemed witty at first, but got less and less funny each time you heard it. Yes, exactly like the “Be Sharps”. What followed was a deluge of emails between the three of us trying to come up with a name that said it all. “Dazz Jed Mike-ina”. Deus ex machina, get it? Sure it’s less and less funny each time you hear it, but it didn’t start out witty in the first place…so, no, not even close. What about “Team Name”? No. “Team N…”? Nope. “Minimal Dramas”? That’s pretty witty. Well, it starts off witty, but every time you say it, it gets less and less so. Perfect! “Minimal Dramas” it is. Now we can make a film.

Friday 16 May, 6:27pm. Jed and I were at the launch venue. Teams had been progressively getting their genres. Because it was taking a lot of time to give all the teams their genres, and to prevent those teams who got their genres first from having up to thirty extra minutes brainstorming time, the “genre” actually consisted of a number from 1 to 12. As close as possible to 7pm, the numbers would be equated to their true genres. I had just been up the front to get our genre. It was 12. Hmmm, I thought.

Some time between 6:30pm and 7:00pm we were given our three compulsory elements: the compulsory character, who is Kerry Post, a perfectionist; the compulsory line of “Wait a minute”; and the compulsory prop, which is a brush.

Friday 16 May, 6:52pm. A Powerpoint presentation played on a screen. It counted through the genres: it showed the genre number, then a still from a film that represented the genre, then the genre itself. Note that I can’t remember the order they came in, nor the representative stills, so this next bit has some dramatic licence applied, dum dumm dum dummmmmm. But the important points are all there:

• 1 was an image of what was probably (if I remember correctly, which I probably don’t) “Goodfellas”…that must mean Crime;
• 2 was something mysterious. Oh, Mystery. Crap, two gone and they were good ones.
• 3 was probably “Superman”, or “Batman”, or “Spiderman”. Something like that. Superhero or Fairytale. Aw man, this year just isn’t going to be our year, is it? Again.
• 4 was something soppy. Romance. Whew, dodged one bullet. I found out a little bit later that poor old Hadyn, with whom I’d done the previous three years’ 48Hours, and his team had got this genre. He hasn’ had a good genre yet! He’s a jinx, I tells ya, a jinx.
• 5 was Bruce Willis–y, or maybe Harrison Ford–y…Action or Adventure. Bollocks. Miss out on another good one. And, uh oh, Musical hasn’t been mentioned yet.
• 6 was probably something like “The Shining”. Horror. Oh come on, just one year I’d like to do a cool genre. And when’s Musical going to turn up?
• 7 was something drama-y. Drama. Interesting. The organisers feel too many people do comedies then? Still no Musical.
• 8 was James Dean…Juvenile Delinquent. Even more interesting. But glad we didn’t get that one. Bullet number two dodged. The Musical bullet’s still out there, though.
• 9 was something with two mismatched people. Buddy. An old staple. I just know Musical is going to be number 12.
• 10 was…I don’t believe it. Musical or Dance. Yessssss! In your face universe! We don’t have to do a musical! We dodged a frigging nuclear bomb. Groans and cheers in equal measure go up; groans from those who had number 10 and cheers from those who had numbers 11 or 12.
• 11 was something with animals. Animal. Whoa, one out of the blue.
• And finally 12 was…Doc Brown and Marty McFly! Really? Oh yeah! Time Travel! No way! Awesome! Hadyn and his team are really gonna hate me now.

Friday 16 May, 7:04pm. Buzzing from the jewel the 48Hours gods had thrown us, Jed and I headed back to my car past someone with the Indiana Jones theme tune blaring out of their car stereo. Wicked. I hope that they got “Action or Adventure”. On the way back to Jed’s, we riffed about what a great genre Time Travel is and how it’s been done so well in the past, and there were many great time travel movies to take inspiration from. And it was then that we realised that, hang on, was that really the case? Let’s see, there’s “Back to the Future”, “Back to the Future Part II” and “Back to the Future Part III” and…and? Oh. An omen? Does Time Travel sound really cool, only to be a complete arse to work with? Dang. We might have some work to do. No, wait on, “12 Monkeys”, “Donnie Darko”, “The Terminator”. I guess it’s not all bad. But still difficult.

(We have since found out about, and watched, “Primer”, which is pretty good and more than a little mind bending. And I guess “Groundhog Day” could be termed a Time Travel movie? And then there’s “Bender’s Big Score”. But on the whole, the genre is pretty lacking. “What about “Timecop”?” I hear some of you say. “What about it?” I retort. Check and mate. Did you know there’s a “Timecop 2″? Oh dear.)

Time Travel, when you think about it, is quite complicated. Well, it can be. Paradoxes and stories that end where they began, and have bits in between that intersect with other bits and in the end it all makes perfect sense that Gary went back and killed his grandfather, but how can he still exist if he’s just killed his grandfather, it’s because he is now in a parallel universe where he is his grandfather and his grandson, also named Gary, turns up to kill him, but it turns out that grandson Gary is actually grandfather Gary from another parallel universe and…you see? It’s easy to stuff up, even easier to lose your audience and really only makes sense if you have a post-graduate degree in quantum gravity from Oxford.

Friday 16 May, 7:23pm onwards. So, we decided the only thing to do was keep it simple. Which was what we were aiming for from the start anyway: use only one location and one actor no matter what the genre. We had decided beforehand that Jed and Sarah’s place was the perfect place to shoot as it had a couple of singular locations that were sufficiently interesting, most especially their new cable car. Which by some magical coincidence turned out to be the perfect prop for a time travel film, especially if you couldn’t get your hands on a DeLorean.

Friday 16 May, 9:02pm onwards. We ran through about six ideas and ended up with one we thought was simple enough. An inventor has a time machine that doesn’t work. He gets a brainwave and fixes it. He tries it again and it works! He then uses it for the purpose he had in mind all along. I won’t spoil it for you. I’ve put a link to our movie in my next post.

Saturday 17 May, 1:30am. We managed to get to bed by about 1.30am on the Saturday morning after finishing our story, which had no dialogue apart from the compulsory “wait a minute”. I’d never managed to get to bed before 4am on the Saturday morning on any of my previous 48Hours films. Being able to sleep for seven hours was something I hadn’t expected.

Saturday 17 May, 9:00am onwards. Saturday morning came and found me driving around town looking for some props: a rose, some books on time travel to use as set dressing and a couple of electronic timers that we will use to “construct” our time machine. Whilst I was out and about, Jed and Big D shot the whole thing on video for practice, mainly to see how to frame the various scenes. I returned about 11am, and we got ready to start filming with Frank about midday.

Saturday 17 May, 12:00pm onwards. Despite having a direct and reasonably short story, we were only able to capture about two-thirds of the film throughout the afternoon. Failing light at 5:00pm meant we had to look to finish the remainder the next day. Despite never having done so much shooting on a Sunday before, the thought doesn’t worry us too much, as we know pretty much exactly what we wanted to film.

Saturday 17 May, 7:00pm onwards. Saturday night was spent putting all of our footage onto the computer and doing a quick edit. We were pretty pleased with what we’d shot. Despite it only being a quick edit, we had managed to massage the day’s footage into pretty good shape, so much so that we decided around midnight that a good night’s sleep would serve us better than working through the night.

Sunday 18 May, 9:00am onwards. Sunday morning came, and with it the filming of the final third of the film. Whilst Jed, Darryl and Frank shot the remaining scenes, I set about polishing the edit of the first two-thirds, as well as adding a couple of very simple special effects (essentially speeding up the film at certain points). After doing as much as I could, I went to help the others mop up the final final shots. And although we didn’t finish shooting until about 1pm—only 6 hours to go!—we were still in high spirits.

Sunday 18 May, 1:00pm onwards. We imported our new stuff into the computer and begin editing the whole thing together. Dazz took over the editing duties while Jed headed off to come up with some sound effects. I got to work on the title screens and…hang on. Titles. Hey, we don’t have a title for this baby yet. Darryl’s hands were flying over the editing duties and Jed had some giant melons disguised as headphones clamped over his ears, so I settled down with a thesaurus and tried to come up with as many words associated with time travel as I could. Damn, coming up with a title is harder than it looks. As Darryl and Jed took breaks from their other duties I bombarded them with title ideas. “A Short Film about Time Travel”. No? OK then, how about “Kerry Post and the Amaz…“OK then, what about “Kerry P…” No? You sure, it’s really, really great.

All right then, “Re:Generation”. It’s multi-layered, see? Layer one has “Re” meaning “with reference to“and “Generation” meaning “a step of natural descent in a family”. (This layer makes much sense when you’ve watched the movie.) Layer two has “Regeneration” meaning “restoration”. (Which will also make sense when you’ve watched the movie.) Layer three has…well “Re:Generation” just looks sci-fi, doesn’t it? Especially in the right font. I’m quite proud of this title. And I get the thumbs up from the guys.

So, we had a title, and now a title screen (plus all the credits bits and bobs the 48Hours competition requires you to put into the movie). And Darryl is fizzing along with the edit. Tweaking this, cutting that, grading those. Jed’s playing mix master, for which I am required to occasionally go away with the camera and record sound effects, such as coathangers rattling on a clothes rack, and things are generally coming together.

Sunday 18 May, 5.30pm. Time is slip, slip, slipping away. We’re getting closer, but so is that 7pm deadline.

Sunday 18 May, 6.30pm. How did it get to this? Where did the time go? Why is stuff still not properly finished? Ah, the curse of 48Hours begins to materialise. You think you’re cruising along, and then you realise that 48 hours isn’t all that long really. We were getting wound up. Darryl was making changes at light speed, yet time seemed to be speeding up. Relativity was playing tricks. I paced the room. Jed paced the room. Darryl was in danger of becoming a singularity. Finally, just as he threatened the event horizon, he threw his hands up. Done!

Sunday 18 May, 6:37pm. Quick, print it to tape. Right, how do you do that again? We need the camera. Where is it? There, hiding under that paper. Blank tape, blank tape. Here. Insert tape. Cable? There. Wait. All plugged in. OK, software do your thing. Print to tape. Print to tape? There, that menu, down there. Right, it’s going. Hang on, is the sound going through? We can’t hear anything through the camera. Stop it. Rewind the tape. Play it back. I think it’s OK. Try again. Where was that menu item again?

Sunday 18 May, 6:39pm. At this point I left the room on the pretext of starting up my car so we were revving and all go for the dash to the finish line. I went and sat in my car and stared at Jed’s front door and got all philosophical. So what if we’re late? It was a valiant effort. It’s a stupid competition anywa…there’s Jed. I yelled out car window. OK? Yep. Sound OK? Think so. Mmmm, OK. Jed still had the tape in the camera. He rewound it as I drove. Then played it back. We had sound. And pictures. Yes, I thought, what a great competition. Pedal to the metal, but only slightly, because Jed lives around winding, hilly streets and narrow lanes, we sped to the drop-off point.

Sunday 18 May, 6:49pm. We made it in with 11 minutes to spare. Muted celebrations ensue.

So, how did we get on? A tale for another day…

• First up was Fighting Egg Films with “Chad: Tale of a Dance” (Musical or Dance). This was probably the lowest in terms of production values in the final, but in no way let this be a criticism, for in my mind this was a brilliant effort. It concerned the tale of a dancer who wanted to be the best in the world, and to prove it he had to knock off the only two above him, both notorious dancers who would obviously resort to dubious, underhand tactics if so allowed. Obviously made by kung-fu fans, this little film hit the mark: great little close-ups, unsync’d dubbing and fantastic cheesy dancing. Great use of the rope as well. I actually saw this film in the heats, and the second time around it was just as good, if not better.
  My rating: A-. Marked a little down (only a little!) for the acting, which was on the amateurish side; sorry guys, although it did add to the charm!
  Did it deserve to be there? You bet.
  Did it deserve to win? Probably not.
• Next was team Good Times with “Maori Detective and the Boogie Fever” (Grindhouse). Grindhouse was a new genre this year, and to be honest, I hope it really doesn’t stick around. I’m sure it would be quite fun to shoot, but I’m just wondering whether it’s a bit stifling creatively—by it’s very definition I’m not sure it allows you to shoot anything other than something with low production values, lots of blood and gore and trash. At least with more traditional genres (even splatter) you can go for high production values and something artistic rather than gutter dwelling. Anyway, enough of my thoughts on the genre. What about the film? Well, it sure was a grindhouse. It revelled in the gutter and had some nice cinematography. But the story didn’t really grab me.
  My rating: B+.
  Did it deserve to be there? Yeah, probably.
  Did it deserve to win? Probably not. Although it did. And it also scooped virtually all of the other awards (cinematography, best actor, best actress, script, etc), which I thought wasn’t warranted. There were plenty of other good films around that should have got recognition. It turns out this team won last year as well with “The Baby Farmer”, which I think was a superior film, although not really a monster film. But enough about that, I made my feelings known last year!
• Third was Indefatigable with “La Promenade des Moutons” (aka “The March of the Sheep”) (Unnecessary Sequel). Another new genre this year, this probably had more creative possibilities than grindhouse, but it was still aimed at making a gag reel than a true film. As it was, “La Promenade des Moutons” was a great concept: follow a bunch of people dressed around like sheep and make it a spoof of “March of the Penguins”. Unfortunately, I think it was only half a good film. It could have done without the (purposefully) pretentious behind-the-scenes with the director scenes. If it had focussed solely on the sheep I think it would have made a stronger film, although there was the problem of how to incorporate the three random elements.
  My rating: B.
  Did it deserve to be there? Hmmm, borderline. I think there were other films that didn’t make it through that maybe could have got in ahead of this; although I must say it looked fantastic.
  Did it deserve to win? No.
• Next came Little Pig Productions with “A Void” (Science Fiction or Monster). I could see how some people might not like this film as it was quite slow moving and not much really happened, but I enjoyed it for what it was. It had a good concept: a hypochondriac who has a scrupulously tidy house starts finding slime trails all over the place; is there something living in another dimension underneath his carpet? And to my mind it had by far the best use of the hypochondriac character. The ending was pretty good too: it deserved at least a nomination for the Most Thrilling Moment award, which somehow went to “Maori Detective and the Boogie Fever”, whose award based on a single line that was pretty good, but not all that thrilling.
  My rating: B+.
  Did it deserve to be there? Yes.
  Did it deserve to win? Was probably struggling on this count.
• The following film on the agenda was Lol with “Groundhaus” (Grindhouse). As far as grindhouse goes, it was probably all right; although I can’t say I’m a big fan of the genre after watching these efforts! It had no real story, and used one of the (apparently) trademark features of a grindhouse film (a “missing reel”) to cheat a little.
  My rating: C+.
  Did it deserve to be there? I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure there were more engaging stories in those that didn’t make it through, although I think they were handicapped with the Grindhouse genre.
  Did it deserve to win? Nope.
• The final film before the intermission was from Masonic Pictures and it was called “Hell Fire and Angels” (War or Western). Very impressive is all I can say. The whole film was shot with live mice as the characters (with voice overs). It was set in the Second World War and had some mightily dramatic models: possibly someone with a very extensive model train network in their basement. Although it seems that Alex Funke (the Weta Oscar winner who does the miniatures) was involved, so the use of the models makes a little more sense. The film could easily have been passed off as a gimmick, but the story and characterisation was really quite good. One of my favourites of the night.
  My rating: A.
  Did it deserve to be there? Absolutely.
  Did it deserve to win? Would have been in my top three.
• After the intermission we started off with Panic Attack and their film “Jerry Reed Drives Himself Nuts” (Religious or Educational). This film made me go hmmmmmm. I still don’t know if I like it or not. The set-up was inspired: mount a camera on the hood of a car and then film the protganists inside the car as they drive around. The actress got nominated for best actress at the final, but I thought she was a bit over-the-top. So, quite apart from not knowing whether I liked it or not, the film was very well done. Not surprising, seeing as the writer/director was Duncan Sarkies, brother of “Scarfies” and “Out of the Blue” director Robert Sarkies. And even though brother Robert was a judge in the Wellington region, I’m pretty sure this film would have made it through were he not: no favouritism here!
  My rating: B+.
  Did it deserve to be there? Yes.
  Did it deserve to win? It was very well made and acted (for the most part), but probably not the best shown.
• Next up was Prime Rib with “Bookcase” (Crime). I think these were the teens from two years ago who made a fantastic pretentious art film that didn’t make the final (although they should have), and then last year made “Gunther and Me” which did make it through, but probably shouldn’t have. This year, they made it through and I thought they should have. It was a fun film about nefarious deeds in the heady world of librarians and their libraries. Enjoyable, but as Hadyn pointed out afterwards, a complete rip off of “Hot Fuzz”.
  My rating: B+. Would have been an A-, but for the ripping off bit.
  Did it deserve to be there? Yessiree.
  Did it deserve to win? A fun little film, but probably not the winner.
• Getting closer to the end now. The Ministry of Boys were up next with “World of Rope” (Religious or Educational). I laughed (especially at the slap scene) and it did indeed have the best use of the line “What do you call that?”, but it had no story. It was completely improvised, which isn’t a bad thing, but it meandered a bit because of that. Every year there is this mantra repeated that “story is everything”: if you don’t have a good story, then forget about reaching the finals, let alone winning. And every year, there are at least one or two films that completely ignore this mantra. And in some instances, these films can end up winning things. Like this one: it came runner up.
  My rating: B-.
  Did it deserve to be there? Meh, I’d say borderline because it didn’t really have a story. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m biased when it comes to story.
  Did it deserve to win? That’s a negatory.
• Third to last was The Three Dicks with “Whorecop 3: Night Justice” (yet another f%^#ing Grindhouse). This was actually my favourite of the three grindhouse flicks in the final, and I must admit it was pretty good, in a sick, demented sort of a way. Certainly the acting was top-notch. How the lead here lost out to the lead from “Maori Detective and the Boogie Fever” for Best Actor is beyond me.
  My rating: A-.
  Did it deserve to be there? Yep.
  Did it deserve to win? Probably not, but a good effort.
• The penultimate film was Traces of Nut with “First Death II” (Unnecessary Sequel). I think Traces of Nut have been in the regional final every year. They were unlucky, I thought, not to win two years ago with “Ananab”, which was a brilliant Groundhog Day-esque number. But last year’s effort wasn’t that good, and, ye gods, how did this effort get in? I just didn’t think it was that good. I don’t think Unnecessary Sequel is conducive to good film-making, but this film didn’t grab me at all.
  My rating: D.
  Did it deserve to be there? No.
  Did it deserve to win? No.
• And last, and definitely not least, was Will She Wait with “Shooting Star” (Musical or Dance). Whoa. This looked fantastic. Probably because they shot on film and had the use of Peter Jackson’s Park Road Post post-production facility. But that wasn’t the best bit of the film, though: the music was absolutely superb. Not surprising when the team contained a smattering of Wellington musical illuminati (Loop, Rhombus, various other bands). It took the Best Score award, and there was really no doubt about it. The story wasn’t the strongest, but it was passable. This was definitely my favourite on the night. I’ve since seen it again — in the national final that was shown on C4 the other night — and it doesn’t hold up quite as well a second time around (although on the small screen it definitely lost the big-screen filmic quality it had at the Embassy). I still would have picked it as the Wellington winner.
  My rating: A.
  Did it deserve to be there? Yes.
  Did it deserve to win? Yes.

So there you have it: the Wellington regional finalists for 48Hours 2007 and my take on them. On the whole, the quality this year was up on last year. Although, I was a bit disappointed after seeing the finalists that we didn’t make it through this year. I thought we made a good effort this year, but this film business thing is extremely subjective (for example, everybody will probably disagree with me on my ratings and whatnot above. And that’s what makes this competition so great: where would we be without a little bit of controversy.